Gratitude Day 7 – Sometimes being grateful is bloody hard work

So I missed writing all together yesterday. Technically speaking today should be Day 8 but I’m stubborn. And a little OCD. Missing Day 7 just feels wrong 🙂

So why didn’t I write yesterday? Let’s just say it was a hard day and leave it at that, shall we? If you’d seen me I may have looked a bit like this:

Old cranky woman with hat.jpeg

But I realised something that all those ‘gratitude guru’s’ don’t necessarily share – being grateful can be bloody hard sometimes.

Sometimes, I don’t want to be the parent. Heck, some days I don’t even want to be an adult! So it probably goes without saying that these are the days that seem to coincide with struggling to be thankful for anything, let alone be able to write about it.

Woman crying against raining window pane

Yesterday was one of those days. Today I am physically exhausted despite sleeping around 7 hours and I wonder if it’s because I spent all my energy on trying to hold myself together yesterday. I think this is what happened:

  1. The day starts off well but has a hiccup.
  2. Said hiccup causes a disruption to one’s plans.
  3. No problem. Regroup. All good.
  4. New problem arises. It’s one of those can’t-ignore-this problems that inevitably has an impact on the bank account. Crap.
  5. New problem dealt with and new outdoor furniture ideas fly away on the breeze.
  6. Regroup. Regroup. Regroup.
  7. It’s not working.
  8. Come on girl. Get it together.
  9. It’s not working.
  10. That moment when you watch your mouth open and wonder how you can hear those words coming out of it.
  11. Is it possible I’m looking at someone else’s mouth flying off the handle? Nope. Bugger.
  12. Words have been released and now everyone is tetchy.
  13. Great.
  14. Sulking.
  15. Big breaths. Get it together. You’re an adult, after all.
  16. Sulk a bit more. Hubby calls family meeting.
  17. Great. Adult time.
  18. Suck it up. Suck it up. Suck it up.
  19. Share heart. Sob.
  20. Blubber.
  21. Ugly cry status is Emmy worthy.
  22. Regroup. Regroup. Regroup.
  23. Quiet moments. Thoughts shared. Tension breaks.
  24. New vibe in the house. Hearts opened, flushed out and mended.
  25. Wheels of motion begin to turn again and I realise I’ve been holding my breath all day.
  26. Quiet moments. Food. Laughter. Love.
  27. Exhaustion in 3, 2, 1…
  28. Sleep.

So this is probably the most diplomatic and discreet way I can describe the events of yesterday. But it just happens, doesn’t it? Everyone has these – I know you’re out there!

So today I am sharing this because despite not feeling in any way grateful yesterday, today I am grateful for not losing relationship over stupid things.

Family at sunset.jpeg

Today I am grateful for being able to take some time to reflect on my 13-year-old tanty and self centred thought process (because, really, let’s be honest, it was all about me, after all!), and today I am grateful that my loved ones still love me.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

Never, never, never, ever let the sun go down without clearing the air. Your heart will start breaking and you’ll carry an ache that rots your bones by the minute. It’s not worth this kind of pain. Swallow – no – annihilate pride. Be a blubbering fool and seek reconciliation before the wound begins to fester. Go to bed cleansed from the misunderstandings, the frustrations and the hurt. Go to be reconciled and wake up to a new day, grateful that it is here.

Much love,

Miriam

 

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2 thoughts on “Gratitude Day 7 – Sometimes being grateful is bloody hard work

    1. That’s such a good point. It can be really hard to manage if the other person refuses to reconcile. My experience has been that when I present the olive branch, and they choose not to receive it, I have to trust that I’ve done my part. It’s really up to them then. The hardest part is recognising that it takes two to make it work and walking away, despite the pain, is the only thing you can do to keep your own health and spirit healthy. If and when they’re ready to discuss, you have already met them half way.

      Liked by 1 person

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