I realised today that there are times when I binge on fiction novels, or at least books in general and today I finished Insurgent, book number 2 in the Divergent Series by Veronica Roth. Gosh I just love her work!
When I finished it though I went from feeling relaxed and happy to enjoy a day to do nothing, to feeling anxious and I realised that I felt that way for the strangest of reasons.
I wanted to stay in that world. With Tris, and Tobias and all the other characters. I am not really aware of a time when I have been conscious of this feeling before, but I dare say I’ve probably felt it. What a strange place to find myself in!
It’s like I submerge myself in the book, like going underwater and being able to stay there indefinitely, like I have a constant air supply. Under the water I feel safe, even though lost in that world. I feel quiet because my thoughts are busy deciphering the world I am spending my time in. My mind is finally hushed and this seems to be one of the most effective ways to keep it so.
Being without transport today made it impossible for me to satisfy this urge to walk back into the Divergent world, buy the third book and stay there. I’ve never been one to reread books – I find it rather illogical unless they are educational in some way – and despite the plethora of books on my shelf still unread, I was fixated on this series.
I think it’s because the main character, Tris, is someone that makes sense to me in so many ways. Other than being short, there is so little in common that this sounds odd, but her thoughts – the way she processes her experiences – resonate deeply with me. Maybe in staying in that fictional world, it becomes possible to run through the real world time and gloss over the things that are really bothering me.
Like the three piles of clothes in my bedroom still unsorted and the fact that it’s 6pm and food is the last thing on my mind. And the fact that the year is on it’s last legs and I haven’t achieved all the goals I was so determined to achieve.
This may read like a negative way to be grateful so I will get to the point. I am grateful today for something powerful and significant in my life: my ability to think for myself and the ability to express those thoughts.
Today I realised that my reading, albeit a very healthy activity, as begun to encroach on my real world life, encouraging me to escape the things I a) have to deal with and b) am responsible for.
I don’t really like that. I don’t want to escape. I want to live, experience, love, be love, and all the things that these things carry with them.
So today I am grateful for a mind that yes, can be very chaotic and seem incredibly confusing to others, but also for a mind that is capable of unravelling difficult concepts and then knowing that it has a choice on how to move forward.
I hope as you come to the end of the day that you remember one thing:
Don’t despite, put down, manipulate or dismiss the mind you’ve been given. For whatever reason, it is the way that it is. Use it. Grow it. Restore it. Nurture it. Love it. For this is one thing that you only get one of and when we ignore it, abuse it and fear it, we stop living. And if we stop living, we stop being able to give something of ourselves to others, and that, my friend, is possibly the greatest tragedy we could face.
May your mind be blessed this week.