Today has been hard. Not ‘can’t get out of bed and face the world hard’ but hard all the same. More like ‘Remember to breathe, Miriam’ hard: the kind where you have to send yourself little messages all day to keep calm, not let small things upset you and remind yourself that this is not the worst thing that could happen.
It doesn’t really matter what has happened in my day today but I am sure that you can relate, even if your day like this wasn’t today. I think what truly matters is the one word that has been travelling through my life this whole year – response.
What am I learning? Holding myself captive to my thoughts and not letting others help or support is a bad idea. Not everything needs to be dealt with in isolation and sometimes self imposed isolation just creates more stress, anxiety and depression for me.
Urgh. Sometimes I find learning so frustrating! It’s like when I was learning about rest. And trust. And patience. Grrrr is all I can say. If I really think about it I am sure that every 12 months has had it’s own word or phrase that describes the ‘lesson’ and this one has definitely been response. Mostly in the form of ‘how am I going to respond to this?’.
Sometimes I have caught the message loud and clear and early enough to switch over to the right track but often I’ve made a mess of things and ploughed my way through a mess, usually of my own making. Then it’s clean up time, reflection time and the cycle seems to repeat.
I can honestly say today that despite how much I just love learning about this thing called responding I have actually learned some things.
- I’ve learned that I have physiological triggers that send messages that I am not managing things well
- These triggers are warnings that I need to slow down and intentionally listen to my thoughts
- If I happen to listen I have the opportunity to respond in time and avert the upheaval that comes with not listening
I don’t know why, and maybe I never will know why, but for some reason we seem have been blessed with the ability to self analyse and self direct. My personal belief is that without these crucial skills humans would not survive.
So what can I leave you with today?
Being able to recognise when we are not in a good place ensures that we are more likely to share our feelings with a trusted friend, and this could mean the difference between a life lived and just a life that exists.
Don’t just exist. I’ve tried it. It’s dreadful and you can end up looking like a sucked in lemon. Not a good look. Instead, get in touch with your thoughts, ideas, feelings and of course, your body’s responses to stress. It might just save your life one day.
May you be blessed today with a deeper understanding of who you are and what you are capable of becoming.
p.s. I’m still sitting on 18061 words. I’m not okay with this yet. This is me sharing 🙂 Maybe tomorrow will bring new motivation and freedom to move forward on my novel. Until then, I appreciate your prayers and support!