A quick update to today’s post: just did my official count and am up to 11,067 words. Only 38,933 to go!
I am rounding out the weekend with a current total of 9, 673 words and hope to finish off the day past the 10K mark. It has been a day where I have written for a while then done family things, food, chores, etc., and am now about to head off again for a church service. It’s not been quite as quiet as I was thinking I would have but it’s been a good day overall.
So, one thing that has been on my mind in the past few days kind of came to a head today. I was feeling teary and my 16 year old son asked me if I was okay. I mean, yes, I am fine, really but this morning, at that moment, I wasn’t. I was fighting my familiar demons – fear of failure and fear of the unknown, who are probably twins if I come to think of it. I am struggling with some choices I need to make for my business future and it’s been a bit of an emotional upheaval to say the least. I basically find myself at a crossroads, with all directions providing awesome opportunities and a great future but I am stuck in the middle unsure what to walk toward.
So what happens when we find a new path and suddenly encounter things that we had no idea were there? My question today is about discovery and the fear of the unknown. How do we traverse these spaces, especially since most of the time they rise up and greet us when we think we are least prepared?
My thoughts today are a little scrambled as I prepare to get back into work mode tomorrow while continuing on with the #NaNoWriMo challenge. Can I do this? I have a carefully laid out schedule that says I can but the fear of failure is banging on the door and yelling mean things at me like ‘you’ve been here before; you’re always coming up with great ideas but never finishing them, and you don’t really have what it takes to do all these things’
Have you heard these questions too? Usually I deal with them and kick them out the door but today has been a little more of a challenge – why, I have no idea, but I do know one thing: this time, despite feeling more anxious about it, I intend to push through. I want to see that word count rise each day and I also want to provide the best results for my clients. I know my mind is capable of doing both and so just have to push those intruding thoughts aside until they give up trying.
We all have the same fears I suppose, but maybe we deal with them in different ways and maybe some of us feel like we get a higher dosage than others of feeling like we can’t cope. Whatever camp you find yourself in today, know that you’re not alone. I’m having ‘one of those days’ too – and I’m not sharing to garner pity but to shed light on the fact that even with an amazing family, friends and a strong faith in God, I still have ‘those’ days.
If there was any lesson today I think it would be this:
Jump. The gap probably isn’t nearly as big as you think it will be and remember that when we jump, we are moving forward, toward something new, good, better, amazing and outstanding. So why on earth would we stay put?
Blessings to you all today. May this week be one full of ferocious courage to battle your own fears and one where you can be someone’s hero to help them battle theirs.
Miriam E. Miles has a finger in quite a few creative pies – her personal writing includes poetry, short reflective pieces on family, identity and spiritual awakening and her work life is spent helping clients build authentic and engaging social media connections.
To chat with Miriam email her at firstname.lastname@example.org
If you’d like to follow my NaNoWriMo journey, click the follow button on the top right corner of the page. And thanks! If you’re also doing the challenge, let me know and I’ll follow you back to support you!